When Others Diet

Okay, I'm not here to do any diet bashing, cuz I have certainly done my fair share of dieting and obsessing over my weight. But now that I am in my late 40's, I just don't care to impress my mirror anymore.

I've done the "protein diet", heard about the "points diet", had friends who did the Slim Fast diet and know a little about all the diets that are out there to help people lose weight.

But I've noticed, that no matter what diet they are on, there is a common thread to every diet and the people who are on them.

Have you ever noticed that when someone starts a new diet, they have to announce it to the rest of the world in some way? Whether it's an out and out HEY, I'M ON A DIET or a subtle way of sliding it into the conversation, it still comes up. Have you ever noticed somebody lose a lot of weight and THEN announce they are dieting?? Of course not. It's human nature to want people to know what we are doing, so we feel we are getting the support of those who know us!!

Anyway, I was in a meeting this morning, and it became obvious in minutes that the boss has been on a diet.

Successfully I might add. He's lost about 25 pounds and he's looking great! He's doing the "points" thing. You know, every food has a point and you get a certain number of points per day....yada...yada...yada.

So, he plops a big box of Krispy Kreme donuts in the middle of the conference table and says, "Here, have a point or two or three." Naturally, the rest of us dig right in and while we have our mouths full of super sweet donuts, he's talking about how many points he gets a day on his diet, how many his wife gets, etc. Then he asked a question we all wanted to know the answer to, right?

If you are in Japan, eating strange food, how do you know how many points you are eating if you don't even know what you're eating?. Now this came up because he will be traveling to Japan soon. He mentioned sticky rice, eel, sushi, and other unidentifiable Japan treats I've never heard of.

And I thought---- give it up for the week you're there....stop counting points. You'll be stressing yourself out trying to figure out the food.

And really.......

What's the point in that?

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I Heard it Through the Grapevine

I have never been a joke teller. Mainly because I can never remember the whole joke and the punch line always comes out wrong.

So I just don't tell jokes.

But every once in awhile, I get an email that just totally cracks me up. You know the kind I'm talking about. You read it, bust out laughing, read it again and forward it to everyone you know, possibly even saving it so you can laugh again later.

I wish I knew who wrote the following tidbit, because I think it is hilarious. But I don't, so I can't give credit where credit is due. Too bad....I'd really like to meet this person.........................

So here's the joke:

I was in W**Mart buying a large bag of Purina for Lola and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.....Duh!!

I was feeling a bit crabby so on impulse, I told her no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital the last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms. Her eyes about bugged out of her head.

I went on and on with the bogus diet story and she was totally buying it. I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way it works is to load your pockets or purse with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The package said the food is nutrionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.

Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and was that why I had ended up in the hospital.

I said no.......I'd been sitting in the street licking my butt when a car hit me.


I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out of the store.

I LOVE THIS JOKE - didn't you just get a visual???? Freakin hilarious!!!!!

Career Choices

Over the years I have purchased a new car for the guy who put braces on my kids. I have furnished my dentist's home. I installed a swimming pool at the home of our family doctor. I have remodeled the kitchen of my home repair guy and I have even paid for the college educations for two kids that belong to the Goodyear dealer down the road.

Not really.....but it sure seems that way.

It's always painfully clear at tax time, when I'm looking for deductions, exactly how much money is spent each year on daily living expenses like dental visits, orthodontist work on the kids, medical emergencies, home repairs and the big daddy of them all.....car repairs.

I keep telling my kids that they ought to get jobs that compliment each other so that they can save money throughout the course of their lives.

What does that mean exactly?

Well, I think my oldest daughter should become an orthodontist.
My middle daughter should become a dentist.
My youngest daughter should become a doctor.
My oldest son should become a plumber.
and my youngest son should become an auto mechanic.

That way they become indispensible to each other as they live out their lives. Of course, it's too late to do me any good, but they can trade services instead of having to fork out cold hard cash.

Gee, maybe I should have had one more kid who could have been an electrician!

A Woman's Poem

I came across this little tidbit in an email sent to me - I don't know who the author is - but I wanted to share it because it made me giggle. Which fits right in with my blog "Fits -n- Giggles".

A Woman's Poem

He didn't like the casserole

and he didn't like my cake.

He said my biscuits were too hard,

Not like his mother used to make.

I didn't perk the coffee right

He didn't like the stew,

I didn't mend his socks

the way his mother used to do.

I pondered for an answer

I was looking for a clue

Then I turned around and smacked him....

Like his mother used to do!

Short On Cash....???

Have you ever noticed, when you are especially short on cash, that all sorts of unidentified expenses crop up to make a shambles of your budget?

I find this one of life's most ironic things. I have been the chief financial planner in my home for many years and I am an expert budget maker. As a single mom, I have to watch my pennies and my budget is an important part of making it through the month. But even though I have every paycheck planned down to the dime, there is always SOMETHING that comes around to throw a wrench in my budget.

I am living proof that if you are broke today, you're going to be even more broke tomorrow, especially if you have kids!!

Does this sound familiar??

My son comes home from school and tells me about the "special" shoes the basketball team just HAS to have, everybody on the team is getting a pair, he doesn't want to be the only one not wearing any and the order is being placed tomorrow. So he needs $55.00.

Then my daughter reminds me that payment for yearbooks is due tomorrow as well. I have 3 kids in high school and heaven forbid we "share" a yearbook. 3 x $25.00 = $75.00

You go to feed the dog and discover he's out of food which translates into a trip to "that store" in which you can't possibly get out of "that store" without picking up shampoo, toilet paper or some other damn thing you forgot to buy during last weeks trip.......$45.00

and finally to cap off the evening....the washing machine starts making a screeching noise on the very first load!!!! Which by the way, even if it doesn't mean a new washer, it still means a repair bill.....take your pick..........$125.00 for repairs or $500.oo for a new washer.

Lets recap:

Shoes $ 55.00
Yearbooks $ 75.00
Dog Food $ 45.00
Washer Repair $125.00

Total?? $300.00 of unexpected expenses in just ONE DAY!!!!

Aarrgh....how is any reasonably sane person supposed to stay within the budget and handle these kinds of unexpected expenses?

That - my friends - is why I have 2 jobs and several home businesses.

Of course, as soon as the kids move out, I'll have more money than ever......!!

Ha Ha Ha Ha...........................