I Heard it Through the Grapevine

I have never been a joke teller. Mainly because I can never remember the whole joke and the punch line always comes out wrong.

So I just don't tell jokes.

But every once in awhile, I get an email that just totally cracks me up. You know the kind I'm talking about. You read it, bust out laughing, read it again and forward it to everyone you know, possibly even saving it so you can laugh again later.

I wish I knew who wrote the following tidbit, because I think it is hilarious. But I don't, so I can't give credit where credit is due. Too bad....I'd really like to meet this person.........................

So here's the joke:

I was in W**Mart buying a large bag of Purina for Lola and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.....Duh!!

I was feeling a bit crabby so on impulse, I told her no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital the last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms. Her eyes about bugged out of her head.

I went on and on with the bogus diet story and she was totally buying it. I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way it works is to load your pockets or purse with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The package said the food is nutrionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.

Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and was that why I had ended up in the hospital.

I said no.......I'd been sitting in the street licking my butt when a car hit me.


I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out of the store.

I LOVE THIS JOKE - didn't you just get a visual???? Freakin hilarious!!!!!